


Seven Deadly Sins

by rhetoricalspoon



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Asexual Relationship, But they're still gay tho, Crowley is just a big ol' softie, Fluff, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 17:59:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19381861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhetoricalspoon/pseuds/rhetoricalspoon
Summary: Warning - contains minor spoilers for episode 1.Aziraphale decides that something is missing in his life now that he is no longer looking after a child. He convinces a begrudging Crowley that they need to coparent another life form...





	Seven Deadly Sins

“You know, it was rather… soothing looking after the Antichrist. Something to do,” Aziraphale said, twisting his head to look up at Crowley from where he was snuggled into his chest. Crowley stared at him for a second before gently lifting Az’s head off him and reaching to grab the remote and press mute on the TV, which was playing an episode of The Great British Bake Off.  
“You mean some random child that we managed to mistake for the Antichrist?” Crowley said.  
“Well yes, what other Antichrist would I be talking about my dear?”  
“Point taken.”  
“Anyway. I was thinking maybe it would be good… to have something to… look after again?” Aziraphale blushed as he said this.  
Crowley opened his mouth and stared at him. “Angel, what-”  
Aziraphale swiftly sat up, face red. “NO I didn’t mean- I just meant like a pet. Not a human child.” He glanced at Crowley, who leaned back on the couch, eyebrows raised. “I was just thinking- I mean it’s okay if you don’t want to- I was thinking we could go to the animal shelter? Maybe?”  
Crowley sighed. “Angel, I’m allergic to animals.” Aziraphale nodded sadly. It was a second before he frowned ever so slightly then looked at Crowley and said “You’re a demon. You can’t be allergic to animals.”  
Crowley grinned at him. “Maybe not. But Angel, look, I’m just not a big fan of animals. I don’t really want any pets in our house.” Az made heart eyes at him. “Angel, I’m not-” Crowley begun, but before he could finish what he was going to say, Aziraphale interrupted with nothing short of the most forlorn face Crowley had ever seen.  
“No it’s okay Crowley. I mean you have your plants, and I just thought that maybe I… ” Az blinked his eyelashes at Crowley. “…. But never mind. I suppose I shall survive without one.” He turned his head away dramatically and sighed as he stared into the distance. Crowley stared at him for a second, then shook his head resigned.  
“Okay. We’ll go to the rescue shelter and LOOK at them. No promises. That’s all.” Az spun his head back, beaming ear to ear. “Oh you’re such a sweetheart Crowley!” he said as he got up, kissed Crowley swiftly on the forehead and bumbled off to the kitchen with a big grin on his face. “I said no promises!” Crowley shouted after him, smiling and shaking his head.

****************************************

“So you’re telling me you DON’T have any snakes here??” Crowley asked.  
“No sir, they’re vile creatures and nobody would want to adopt th-”  
“How dARE YOU-” Crowley began, but Aziraphale softly grabbed his elbow and yanked him past the taken aback receptionist, muttering his most insincere apologies to her as he did so.  
“Did you HEAR WHAT HE SAID Angel?? He said that-”  
“Yes I know, I know my dear. But you’ve gotten us blacklisted from the other six animal shelters in this city so it’s about time you accepted that no snakes are at any of them, and they’re probably out in the wild having a much better time for it anyway.” He stopped walking and turned to face Crowley head on. Crowley rolled his eyes. Aziraphale opened his mouth to say something, but something caught his attention over Crowleys shoulder and his eyes lit up. He looked at Crowley one more time then gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and beamed at him before sweeping past him and kneeling down to give a large golden retriever a big cuddle. Crowley turned and leaned against the door frame and watched him, still in a bad mood. 

Over the next hour, Aziraphale made his way around each room, cuddling all the animals one by one and making sure to pat all of them an equal amount of time so none felt left out. At one point he sat cross legged with a small bumbling puppy on each knee, hugging another to his chest, and holding a fourth out to Crowley, trying to encourage him to come cuddle it. Crowley shook his head. “She’s so soft though!!” Az said to him over the noise of the room. Crowley politely declined.

Eventually they decided to take a small grey kitten home. It had been the runt of the litter, and though Aziraphale had taken his time deciding which of the litter he wanted to take, he really couldn’t abandon the poor wee thing. It squeaked all the way home to Aziraphale’s concern, and when they got home he sat on the floor and watched it all evening as it meowed feebly and stumbled around the lounge, making sure it didn’t get lonely. Crowley sat on the couch and turned the TV on to some Bachelorette episode. Az didn’t notice that Crowley isn’t actually watching the tv until halfway through the third episode, when he looked up to see Crowley watching him with a small smile on his face.

“You know we have to name him, my dear” said Az, blushing and looking away.  
“Well YOU have to name him, yes.” Crowley said.  
“Well I was thinking… I was thinking that since I picked him out, maybe you might like to name him?” Az looked back at Crowley, who looked vaguely amused and shrugged.  
“I guess if I had to choose… ” Crowley gazed at the ceiling as he deliberated. As he did so, the kitten began to pee all over Crowley’s shoes that he had left by the sofa. Aziraphale noticed and gaped, looking back up at Crowley wide eyed. Crowley looked back at him, about to say something, before noticing Aziraphale’s shocked face. Az stared at him for a second before looking down at the shoes. Crowley followed his eyeline and looked down just in time to see the kitten finish peeing and stumble away from the shoe. Az watched the cat for a second before slowly looking up at Crowley sheepishly.  
“His name is Bastard.” Crowley said as he got up and grabbed the shoes, carrying them to the laundry sink. Aziraphale hurriedly got up and followed him.  
“My dear, you can’t call him-”  
“I can and I will.” Crowley turned the tap on and threw the shoe under the stream of water. “Bastard,” he muttered under his breath as Aziraphale put his hand on Crowley’s back and gently guided him out of the way, grabbing the soap and beginning to scrub at the shoes. Crowley stood for a second, watching Aziraphale’s hands, before leaning to kiss him on the top of the head. He shuffled out of the laundry, softly closing the door behind him.

Aziraphale ended up being in the laundry for over an hour. Every time he thought he had scrubbed for a long enough time, he would give it another sniff, scrunch his face up and begin scrubbing again. He tried using laundry soap, laundry powder, baking soda, baking powder, vinegar - nothing worked. Eventually, as he was trying to use a “magic” laundry stick, he remembered that he was actually an angel, and performed a small miracle to get rid of the smell. He grabbed some newspaper, stuffed it into the shoes to let them dry, and put them on a shelf. 

Aziraphale opened the laundry door and strolled back through to the lounge proudly - but when he got there, he couldn’t see Crowley. He walked past the couch and went to turn the TV off, and nearly stepped on Crowley, who was lying on his side asleep on the floor, his head on one arm, and the other arm curled up next to his chest, a content look on his face. As Aziraphale looked at him, he realised that Crowley was not lying alone. Curled up, between his arm and his chest, was the small kitten, quiet for the first time since they had left the shelter. Aziraphale smiled softly, and went to get his phone from the kitchen table - Crowley had taught him how to take pictures on his cellphone the other day. However, when he opened the camera app, he realised that he wasn’t sure how to turn the camera around, and so he awkwardly turned around and took a selfie which contained 95% his face, and in the very top right corner, the tiniest shred of Crowley and Bastard. He lowered the phone, smiled at it, then put it down and grabbed a pillow to put under Crowley’s head, gently lifting it so as not to wake him.

**************************************

The next day, when Aziraphale woke up, Crowley is nowhere to be seen - which isn't too unusual, Crowley is spontaneous often and is a bit terrible at telling Aziraphale his plans. Aziraphale made himself breakfast, fed Bastard and stroked him as they both ate their breakfast, and then headed to the bookshop for the day. A few people came in during the day, whom Az chatted to happily as they browsed (although a couple of them were mildly confused when they attempted to buy a book and he grabbed the book from their hands and gently but swiftly guided them towards the door and shut it behind them, before stroking the book's spine gently and placing it back on the shelf). At 4.23pm he decided to go home after having a lovely chat with a couple of gentlemen with their arms around each other.

Aziraphale unlocked the door to their place and hears frantic shuffling from inside. He cautiously stepped inside and looked around, walking through to the lounge. Crowley stood up quickly from behind the couch, where Aziraphale could see a cardboard box peeking out from around the side. 

"Okay look well don't judge me Angel, I just- I was thinking and I didn't think you'd mind because you seemed to love all the animals at the shelter and Bastard seemed really lonely and I think that is why he was so loud but if you aren't okay with it then I can-" Crowley cut off his frantic monologue as Aziraphale walked forward and placed a hand on his arm.  
"What's wrong?" said Az. Crowley blushed and avoided his gaze as he muttered something quietly. "What was that?" Az asked.  
"I may or may not have gone back and adopted the rest of the litter that Bastard came from," Crowley said very fast, eyes fixated on the ceiling. Aziraphale stared at him, mouth open for a second before morphing slowly into a wide grin, eyes twinkling. He reached up and cupped his hands around Crowley's face, tenderly turning it to face him.  
"Crowley, my dear, I love you to bits," he said. Crowley went beet red and stared back at Aziraphale. He stepped backwards and nearly tripped over the box, twisting in midair. Aziraphale reached out a hand to stabilise him.  
"Okay well and so there was seven of them so I named them after the 7 deadly sins." Crowley said, avoiding looking at Aziraphale as he opened the box.  
"Crowley-" Aziraphale protested, but stopped himself when Crowley looked up at him vulnerably. It was hard to remember that Crowley was a recovering demon and still wasn't used to doing something nice without justifying it by doing something... idiotic. "Okay, which one is which?" Az asked. Crowley scooped them out of the box out one by one, pouring them into Aziraphale's arms, naming all of them.   
"And this last one with the white socks and belly is Gluttony." Aziraphale took Gluttony, gave the small wiggling creature a kiss on the head and a few long pats before plopping it down on the ground to play with its siblings. He tapped Crowley's arm and went to the couch, gesturing for Crowley to follow him. Crowley scooped Bastard up off the floor as Aziraphale sat on one end of the couch. Crowley lay on his back taking up the remainder of the couch, feet dangling off the edge of the couch, his head on Aziraphale's lap and Bastard sitting perched on his chest.  
They sat like that until dinner, the Seven Deadly Sins napping in a pile on the ground, Crowley gently stroking Bastard's head, and Az gently stroking Crowley's hair.


End file.
